I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
