i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
