my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Found your dick twin last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
