I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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