I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I got chris browned last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
