k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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