im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
