I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
