I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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