I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
