Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
