Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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