Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let's paint friendship bongs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
