Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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