Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
