using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
