the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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