I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
