She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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