Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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