I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
