one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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