it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
