**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
