on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
