Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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