I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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