nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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