I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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