if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
