so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
