Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
