I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
