i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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