sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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