your parents love me but you hate me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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