Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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