my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
