he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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