I think I am morally bankrupt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
