I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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