oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
