youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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