Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
