Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
