How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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