Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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