No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
