it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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