Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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