yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
