Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
