My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
