hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
