you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
