good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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