I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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