She is in my trunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
