You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
