ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
