Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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