Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
