no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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