I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
