420 ftw
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
