Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
