i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
