I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
