you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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