I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize