I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
