yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
