i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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