there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
