genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
