I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
